1) Men Ask: "Why order your own salad, then steal bites of chicken from my plate?"
Fellas, when Eve was formed, the first thing she was introduced to was a relationship. That is a major part of why women tend to be more "relational" and sharing and more prone to exchange than men are. Having dinner with someone can be intimate. So when you're both in an intimate setting and she takes some of your food, it's often an expression of her desire to share and exchange with you. In some cases, she would actually like for you to take some of her food as well. LoL! But I bet you really want to know why she didn't just order her own chicken, right?
2) Women Ask: "Why do you drool over photoshopped pictures of females?"
Ladies, men are visual beings. I don't know about the "drooling" part, that's a bit excessive, lol, but as far as a man being entertained by what he sees, it's a given. I'm not saying that it shouldn't be tamed because it should be, but women do need to understand that it's more of a natural thing than it is a pervert/weirdo thing. If you go to any Best Buy or electronics store, more likely than not, you'll see men over by the big-screen TVs. Even if it's just the the news on the screen, men will be over there checking them out because we receive visual impulses differently than a woman. The same way women receive auditory impulses differently than men. Again, he shouldn't be drooling over anything he sees or checking other women out, but I just figured I'd give you the reason why.
3) Men Ask: "Why can't you just get to the point of the story and skip the rambling?"
Ladies, understand that men, typically, are "Headline" type of people. Meaning, we just need the Headline to get the idea of what it's about and maybe a highlight or two and that's it. If you're explaining why your co-worker got fired today, we don't need to know about the pictures of her kids in her cubicle or how you can't stand her eyeliner.
Fellas, ladies are generally more detail oriented. We just want a simple burger and fries, while they want to dress it up with pretty lettuce around the edges of the plate and make sure the napkin is folded in a perfect triangle. They're not wrong for this, but when they do this, just understand it and go with it. You'd rather her be this way then give you a meatball in between two crackers.
4) Women Ask: "Why can't we link our Facebook pages? I mean, we ARE in a relationship."
Fellas, the same way that men might use how fly his car is or how many bottles he can pop as a way of showing his bravado or as a symbol of manhood, women associate being in a relationship as a badge of femininity. Her being your lady, almost adds to who she is as a woman and things like linking Facebook pages or asking for P.D.A. (Public Display of Affection) is her way of publicly declaring what we as men try to declare when we "make it rain."
5) Men Ask: "Why do women assume that we know how to read your minds?"
Ladies, we understand that you have the whole "women's intuition" thing going on and you sense certain things, but you cannot assume that as a man, we communicate the same way. Too often, the conversation starts with: Man- "What's wrong?" Woman - "Nothing." As much as you want us to be sensitive enough to listen when you talk, now is the perfect time rather than assuming we should just know.
6) Women Ask: "Why do guys want to know how many partners we've had?"
Fellas, I would suggest that if you are getting serious about a woman and this is an issue that concerns you, be prepared for whatever answer you may get. If you genuinely do not wish to know about her past, then make that clear from the beginning so that she doesn't ever touch that topic. But if you do want to know, then you should probably come up with a number (or set of circumstances) that you're willing to deal with and another set that you can't deal with. That way, when you ask and hear an answer, you can make your choice from there. It's wrong and immature to hear an answer that you don't like, proceed with the relationship and then throw it back in her face later on. Deal with this, in whichever fashion you choose, from the gate.
7) Men Ask: "Why try to change me into what you and your female peers think that I should be?"
Ladies, we understand that you have a nurturing and loving side to you. But wiping food off of my mouth or fixing my tie if it's crooked (which is nurturing) is totally different than demanding that I start going to your corny co-worker's pot luck every month or that I start taking your mom food shopping. Suggesting things is one thing, even creating an atmosphere for us to experience new things is a go. But don't do things in a way that come across as you trying to change the man for the purposes of your own gratification or for the enhancement of your Badge of Femininity. (See #2)
8) Women Ask: "You really think fantasy football scores actually matter? It's not even real."
Ladies, men are equipped with what's called an Ego. Ego is not a negative word. It's only negative when it's taken to the extreme. Furthermore, a man's ego is fueled by a want and NEED to compete... Not only compete, but compete to win. Often, a man may have a favorite sports team. Watching his team play is an extension of his own desire to compete. His team is, in essence, competing on behalf of his own inner desire to compete. If you have a man that is doing a good job competing in the relationship-race, then you shouldn't have a problem with him living out his competitive nature in the form of watching sports, playing video games or partaking in fantasy football.
Fellas, it's not THAT serious.
9) Men Ask: "Why do you think that I have to get emotional over the same things as you?"
Fellas, women look for 6 things in a man. One of them is empathy (Order "Salon Stories" for the other 5). Empathy is slightly different from sympathy. Empathy is when you not only cater to a person's pain or weakness, but when you identify with it and relate to it so much that it's almost like you're feeling that pain and weakness with them. When a woman shares or is vulnerable with us, she wants us to fill that void with empathy, not reply with a cold or simple "So?" or "You'll be aight." Even if you have to do a little acting the first few times, you'll see how much it means to her and eventually that acting will genuinely be a part of the way you should and the way you will respond to your woman.
Ladies, it's not THAT serious.
10) Women Ask: "Why do you keep your feelings bottled up inside?"
Ladies, before there was an Eve, there was an Adam. Adam was here alone. Adam had no need to share or exchange or interact. All he had to do was work! This is why a great deal of men have to be shown how to communicate and how to interact, because it's not first nature to as, like it is for women. When a man appears to not share his feelings, it can be because of this reason. It may also be because in what he has learned a man to be, men don't show weakness. This is an incorrect definition of a real man but, unfortunately, it's the model that society promotes. Ladies, Nagging and whining about it is a No Go! All you have to do is be as empathetic to his needs as a man and eventually, most likely, he will open up to you in a trusting manner.
Thanks so much to Summer B and Guys & Girls Media Group for allowing Shanelle Gabriel and myself to share. Be sure to head over to any online store you choose, and get your copy of "Salon Stories" Hosted by MC Lyte. It's like no other Hip-Hop album out right now, I promise.
{{Click here to download sampler}}
by ...
Kel Spencer
Shanelle Gabriel
Twitter:
http://twitter.com/KelSpencer
http://twitter.com/ShanelleG
Fellas, when Eve was formed, the first thing she was introduced to was a relationship. That is a major part of why women tend to be more "relational" and sharing and more prone to exchange than men are. Having dinner with someone can be intimate. So when you're both in an intimate setting and she takes some of your food, it's often an expression of her desire to share and exchange with you. In some cases, she would actually like for you to take some of her food as well. LoL! But I bet you really want to know why she didn't just order her own chicken, right?
2) Women Ask: "Why do you drool over photoshopped pictures of females?"
Ladies, men are visual beings. I don't know about the "drooling" part, that's a bit excessive, lol, but as far as a man being entertained by what he sees, it's a given. I'm not saying that it shouldn't be tamed because it should be, but women do need to understand that it's more of a natural thing than it is a pervert/weirdo thing. If you go to any Best Buy or electronics store, more likely than not, you'll see men over by the big-screen TVs. Even if it's just the the news on the screen, men will be over there checking them out because we receive visual impulses differently than a woman. The same way women receive auditory impulses differently than men. Again, he shouldn't be drooling over anything he sees or checking other women out, but I just figured I'd give you the reason why.
3) Men Ask: "Why can't you just get to the point of the story and skip the rambling?"
Ladies, understand that men, typically, are "Headline" type of people. Meaning, we just need the Headline to get the idea of what it's about and maybe a highlight or two and that's it. If you're explaining why your co-worker got fired today, we don't need to know about the pictures of her kids in her cubicle or how you can't stand her eyeliner.
Fellas, ladies are generally more detail oriented. We just want a simple burger and fries, while they want to dress it up with pretty lettuce around the edges of the plate and make sure the napkin is folded in a perfect triangle. They're not wrong for this, but when they do this, just understand it and go with it. You'd rather her be this way then give you a meatball in between two crackers.
4) Women Ask: "Why can't we link our Facebook pages? I mean, we ARE in a relationship."
Fellas, the same way that men might use how fly his car is or how many bottles he can pop as a way of showing his bravado or as a symbol of manhood, women associate being in a relationship as a badge of femininity. Her being your lady, almost adds to who she is as a woman and things like linking Facebook pages or asking for P.D.A. (Public Display of Affection) is her way of publicly declaring what we as men try to declare when we "make it rain."
5) Men Ask: "Why do women assume that we know how to read your minds?"
Ladies, we understand that you have the whole "women's intuition" thing going on and you sense certain things, but you cannot assume that as a man, we communicate the same way. Too often, the conversation starts with: Man- "What's wrong?" Woman - "Nothing." As much as you want us to be sensitive enough to listen when you talk, now is the perfect time rather than assuming we should just know.
6) Women Ask: "Why do guys want to know how many partners we've had?"
Fellas, I would suggest that if you are getting serious about a woman and this is an issue that concerns you, be prepared for whatever answer you may get. If you genuinely do not wish to know about her past, then make that clear from the beginning so that she doesn't ever touch that topic. But if you do want to know, then you should probably come up with a number (or set of circumstances) that you're willing to deal with and another set that you can't deal with. That way, when you ask and hear an answer, you can make your choice from there. It's wrong and immature to hear an answer that you don't like, proceed with the relationship and then throw it back in her face later on. Deal with this, in whichever fashion you choose, from the gate.
7) Men Ask: "Why try to change me into what you and your female peers think that I should be?"
Ladies, we understand that you have a nurturing and loving side to you. But wiping food off of my mouth or fixing my tie if it's crooked (which is nurturing) is totally different than demanding that I start going to your corny co-worker's pot luck every month or that I start taking your mom food shopping. Suggesting things is one thing, even creating an atmosphere for us to experience new things is a go. But don't do things in a way that come across as you trying to change the man for the purposes of your own gratification or for the enhancement of your Badge of Femininity. (See #2)
8) Women Ask: "You really think fantasy football scores actually matter? It's not even real."
Ladies, men are equipped with what's called an Ego. Ego is not a negative word. It's only negative when it's taken to the extreme. Furthermore, a man's ego is fueled by a want and NEED to compete... Not only compete, but compete to win. Often, a man may have a favorite sports team. Watching his team play is an extension of his own desire to compete. His team is, in essence, competing on behalf of his own inner desire to compete. If you have a man that is doing a good job competing in the relationship-race, then you shouldn't have a problem with him living out his competitive nature in the form of watching sports, playing video games or partaking in fantasy football.
Fellas, it's not THAT serious.
9) Men Ask: "Why do you think that I have to get emotional over the same things as you?"
Fellas, women look for 6 things in a man. One of them is empathy (Order "Salon Stories" for the other 5). Empathy is slightly different from sympathy. Empathy is when you not only cater to a person's pain or weakness, but when you identify with it and relate to it so much that it's almost like you're feeling that pain and weakness with them. When a woman shares or is vulnerable with us, she wants us to fill that void with empathy, not reply with a cold or simple "So?" or "You'll be aight." Even if you have to do a little acting the first few times, you'll see how much it means to her and eventually that acting will genuinely be a part of the way you should and the way you will respond to your woman.
Ladies, it's not THAT serious.
10) Women Ask: "Why do you keep your feelings bottled up inside?"
Ladies, before there was an Eve, there was an Adam. Adam was here alone. Adam had no need to share or exchange or interact. All he had to do was work! This is why a great deal of men have to be shown how to communicate and how to interact, because it's not first nature to as, like it is for women. When a man appears to not share his feelings, it can be because of this reason. It may also be because in what he has learned a man to be, men don't show weakness. This is an incorrect definition of a real man but, unfortunately, it's the model that society promotes. Ladies, Nagging and whining about it is a No Go! All you have to do is be as empathetic to his needs as a man and eventually, most likely, he will open up to you in a trusting manner.
Thanks so much to Summer B and Guys & Girls Media Group for allowing Shanelle Gabriel and myself to share. Be sure to head over to any online store you choose, and get your copy of "Salon Stories" Hosted by MC Lyte. It's like no other Hip-Hop album out right now, I promise.
{{Click here to download sampler}}
by ...
Kel Spencer
Shanelle Gabriel
Twitter:
http://twitter.com/KelSpencer
http://twitter.com/ShanelleG
3 comments:
Excellent blog and great answers to everyday questions in regards to the battle of the sexes.
amazingly insightful!!
loved it!
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